Becoming whole again

I woke at 3:48am

I’m going through one of my ‘phases’ of not sleeping properly. A number of factors usually come into play with this, like, being overtired as a projector, being overstimulated (aka too much screen time, too much convo), moving through change and the classic - to do list.

But sometimes a phase like this is brought on by a strong full moon energy (I see you Leo) or deep internal energetic shift - something strong within.

I used to toss and turn, get annoyed, put on an eye mask, take it off, light ton, light off, ruminate. And to be fair, I still do those things but today I reflected on a couple of things from my day, the day before.

The magical feeling of walking home from yoga with cacao in hand

And a conversation about identity and worth tied to status, intelligence and productivity.

In the latter I had a momentary out of body experience where I saw myself saying what I was saying.

“When you are in Thailand there is no need to pretend, you can be in ease, you don’t need to make excuses”

huh, the spirit and soul of me sent this through me to wake me up a bit.

Surely you can carry that energy with you and create the energy here? What is stopping you creating and honouring the energy of connectedness, ease, mindfulness right here, right now?

And that was my first thought when I woke up at 3:48am.

Of course, there is an energetic vibration of each place we frequent on this beautiful earth but there is your energetic frequency too, and that one you get to take care of, it is yours to choose.

So I journalled, I looked at where I have fed into the narrative recently that I must do more, to prove my worth, where I have not been taking care of my side of the street. And where I can reconnect with my true sense and embody the energy I know is calling me back.

I did some breathwork, meditation, whilst connecting to the me who is true and who shows up in Thailand. Quickly I realised that I am in control. Quickly I realised it’s all right here within.

Asking myself moment to moment, What would I do in Thailand, What would my soul connected and authentic version do next? What can I create here and now?

Cacao.

I tiptoed down the stairs, clicked the kettle on, took a deep inhale of the smell of fresh cacao and poured. Then I opened the windows, listened to the birds and sipped this beautiful dark nectar.

Becoming me again.